Spin-off: Four Demonly Kings
Mission canon(s): Pirates of the Caribbean
Part 4 of: Arare arc
Next up, Urato missions with Arare. The latter dispenses some more revelations.
Pirates of the Caribbean belongs to Disney, Jerry Bruckheimer Films and Buena Vista Pictures Distribution. The fic, titled "The Valley to a Pirate's Life" does not fully belong to Revenger Tigger as it contains significant amounts of stolen source material content, but they're welcome to what they've actually created.
Chapter 1: Port Royal
Crashing waves in the distance, rustling palm leaves and seagull cries overhead, clamorous seamen all around. Sweltering tropical heat, tempered by salty sea breeze. It was a fine morning; a harbour at Port Royal was busy to the brim with docked merchant ships. Among the crew of one such vessel was a red-haired, green-eyed lad, upon whose hat sat a laughing gull of white and blue feathers.
"I cannot understand humans anymore," said the gull, who visibly struggled to keep his head straight. "Why are you all so fascinated with the most nightmarish of places? This heat rivals the eight levels of burning hell, and all this rocking is making me sick. Can't you at least get me onto land?"
"Wimp," said the red-haired sailor after he tossed yet another crate to others down on the pier. "No idea how ya gunna scare humans when yer da biggest scaredy cat I've ever seen. 'Sides, be quiet, willya? Da Sue's comin' any minute now."
"I am definitely taking revenge on you for this torture," the gull roared.
Even the most state-of-the-art DoSAT equipment couldn't overcome certain kinds of magic. Urato had no trouble disguising himself as a Port Royal seaman, but the only disguises available for Arare were various cute animals. The latter thus had to contend with taking the form of a Leucophaeus atricilla, sitting on Urato's hat like a mere pet. Fuming and seething, Arare watched Urato pause his unloading to look up at two people sailing in on a sinking boat.
Oh right, we're still on that damn boat that Jack stole from Anamaria. Ugh. I opened my eyes and realised that I was laying in water. Oh crap. I knew that this stupid boat would have to sink some time soon, but did it really have to be now? Why now? I looked around for that stupid big brother of mine, and sighed when I saw land in the distance. Then I looked up. I found Jack standing on the mast, looking out at the piece of land that I'd just spotted.
"Jack, are we gonna make it to land on this thing or are we gonna have to swim?" I asked him once I climbed up the mast to stand next to him.
"We'll make it, luv. Don't worry, ye won't have to swim," he said in a teasing tone. I would've fought back but I couldn't be bothered to, so we just stood there in silence as we sailed to the port.
While we were standing on the mast, we both noticed a rock with three skeletons hanging from it, along with a sign, reading 'pirates ye be warned'. Ha! These stupid royal maniacs did NOT know how to speak proper pirate.
Jack took off his hat and placed it over his heart to pay his respects for the lost lives, and I did the same.
"Plagiarism, plagiarism and more o' dat good ol' plagiarism," Urato muttered darkly. He had quietly slinked off to watch and take notes as the first-person Sue, now possessing a first-person crash dummy, engaged in annoying conversation with Jack Sparrow all while contributing precisely nothing to the regurgitated introduction scene in the first film. "And ya still can't even steal dat scene properly; with an extra person on da boat n' Jack not throwin' out da water here, da boat shoulda sunken a lot earlier dan dis."
"Hmm, you don't seem scared of the Mary Sue," Arare said. "Aren't they extremely wicked beings capable of world-shaking feats?"
"And dey are," Urato replied. "Dis Sue's already forcin' herself into da movie's story, which she blatantly stole, n' brainwashin' Jack Sparrow into callin' her his sister. Dat's pretty world-shakin' tah me."
"But you're not afraid! I don't sense a whit of fear coming from you! You don't seem scared of anything, be it this horrifying contraption floating on water, this unbearable heat, or the supposedly destructive Mary Sue."
Before he could reply, I knocked him off the mast and into the water. When he came back to the surface, I was laughing so hard that I almost fell off the mast myself.
"Valencia! Fine, I'm sorry!" Jack yelled from the water.
[…]
"Hey! Hold up there, you two! It's a shilling to tie up your boat at the dock. And I shall need both of your names."
[…]
We both turned to look back at the harbour master. "What d'ye say to three shillings... and we forget the name?" Jack placed three shillings on the ratty book he was holding
"Nope, I ain't afraid. Just annoyed," Urato deadpanned.
Jack Sparrow and Valencia "Valley" the Sue left the harbour and went seeking a ship to steal, but instead of Jack discovering the Royal Navy's ships on his own like in the film, he and the Sue got lost just so his "sister" could nag him and tell him where to find the ships. Unbeknownst to them, they were secretly followed by a very annoyed Royal Navy soldier with a gull sitting on his hat.
Urato's irritation was twofold: first, the Sue's regurgitation of the film and constant denigration of Jack's character was quickly wearing down on Urato's patience. Second, his new naval soldier disguise was uncomfortable – the uniform was itchy and the white powdered wig reeked of rosewater, which reminded him of that time RC 381 and RC 🤘 were drenched in cherry blossom perfume. However, there was a solace – Urato grabbed Arare from the top of his black cocked hat and placed him on his right shoulder instead, then proceeded to enjoy the cool air flowing from the cursed yukinbo's body. "Man, I wish I can mission with ya more often. Ya make a good personal air conditioner," Urato said.
"Foolish human," Arare said. "I'm presently wasting my spiritual energy in order to survive this horrible heat. Soon I'll join the ranks of the Seven Wonders of PPC HQ and be freed from my curse, then I'll turn you into an ice cream to punish you for your insolence."
"Seven what?" Urato asked.
Arare sighed loudly, then continued, "There are currently six yōkai in PPC HQ who have received such an honourable title for their powers. These illustrious individuals are called Red of the Kitchens, Green of the Courtyard, Yellow of the Sorting Room, Pink of the Inconvenience Store, Black of the Laundry Room, and my friend Oshimo is White of the Labs. You see, kid, there's no Blue in this ensemble, and I'm looking to fill that void."
"I've literally never hearda anyone called dat," Urato said. "'Sides, ar'ya an evil Super Sentai or sumthin'?"
Arare frowned.
"I've heard of one. Supposed to be very fast - nigh uncatchable... The Black Pearl." How did I know that Jack would mention the Pearl? He was completely obsessed with it. I guess it is a beautiful ship, but he constantly blabbers on about it, and it gets annoying after a week or two, but after a year I sometimes just want to chop his hand off to shut him up.
The fat one then decided to speak. "Well... there's no real ship that can match the Interceptor."
The scrawny one disagreed. "The Black Pearl is a real ship."
The fat one shook his head. "No, no it's not."
"Yes it is, I've seen it."
"You've seen it?" Ugh. How long was this conversation going to last?
"Yes."
"You haven't seen it."
"Yes I have." Oh my gosh, someone shoot them!
Bugged out of his wits by the canon regurgitation and the Sue's inner monologues, Urato produced his RA and teleported himself and Arare out of the chapter.
Chapter 2: Blacksmith
I was looking around for about five minutes when I heard Jack yell. I turned to see him staring at an old man that was asleep. I'm guessing he's the smithy. I shook my head at my oddball family member and went back to my search.
John Brown's head turned into a scale model of the very smithy he was in, but this was not what was bugging Urato the most. As he and Arare watched the smithy scene copied from the movie almost word-for-word through a gap in the door, he was short of punching a hole through the wood.
The smithy (Will) lunged at Jack and they started fighting. I shook my head and sat on the dusty ground to enjoy the show.
"You know what you're doing, I'll give you that. Excellent form. But how's your footwork?" Jack commented curiously. "If I step here," he stepped to the right and swung his sword at the younger man, "very good. Now I step again." He steeped to the right again. "Ta."
"Fer cryin' out loud, can dis crap get 'nymore boring?" Urato said through clenched teeth. "Even among da boatloads o' bland canon-copyin' Sues I've seen, dis one gotta be da most useless of da lot. Dis lit'rally just da duel scene from da movie, da Sue ain't even participatin'! I ain't friggin' care dat yer part Spanish and having learnt both Spanish and Latin, ya contribute precisely nothin' to da story!"
"You really are more angry at the Mary Sue than afraid of her, even though she's turned that younger fellow's head into a house as well," Arare remarked. "What, exactly, are you afraid of?"
"Nothin'," Urato replied, at which point Arare confusedly stared at him. "I ain't supposed tah be afraid o' nothin' if I wanna survive in da PPC. 'Sides, I got friends; we all gotta have each other's back. I gotta protect 'em n' be strong no matter what. Whaddya think's gunna happen if I get all weak n' helpless in da middle of a badfic?"
"Humans," Arare mumbled. He looked pensive, or as pensive as the face of a gull could express.
Then there was a smashing sound, and my brother fell to the ground, unconscious. The stupid, sleeping old smithy had woken up.
Norrginton's men chose that moment to break through the door. "There he is. Over here," one of the redcoats said.
"Ey Norry, can I get a moment?" one of the soldiers storming the smithy piped up. On his right shoulder was a white-and-blue laughing gull, and on his left was Norrginton the Misspelled Monkey. Pointing his musket at the Sue, he continued, "Valley, the PPC convict ya of crimes against fanfiction. Yer guilty of stealin' da movie's plot n' contributin' nothin' to it; copyin' movie dialogues word-for-word; bein' da most annoyin' n' useless creature to walk the Pirates-verse; bein' Jack Sparrow's sister; turnin' Mr. Brown n' Will Turner into smithies insteadda smiths; creatin' a boring story; n' bein' a Mary Sue. Imma deal with ya swiftly n' gedda heck outta here, da smell from dis wig is killin' me."
One bayonet stab later, the Sue reverted into a first-person crash dummy, which deflated like a balloon. Arare was still deep in thought until Urato's powerful voice snapped him out of it. "Oi Usagi, cover yer eyes, Imma neuralyze everyone here. Ya dun wanna lose memory, do ya?"
"I said I'm Usuasagi," Arare clapped back before putting a wing over his eyes.
"I said I'm Captain Jack Sparrow," Urato replied as mockingly as possible. Norrginton the Misspelled Monkey gave him a brief disapproving look before sneaking under his hat; Urato then covered his own eyes and activated the neuralyzer.
The mission ended a success, but Arare still had many thoughts.
Minis (all up for adoption):
- Norrginton
